The Grinch
by utuki
Summary: Nothing beats relaxing at home for the holidays, tucked safely away from the cold and the stressful duties of everyday life. Their first Christmas together as a couple will be perfect, Sanji tells himself. Or so he would like to believe. Written for 2013 Zosan Christmas Exchange.


A/N: This fic is for Kumiko-sama-chan's** Zosan Christmas Exchange**, Day 19! It's terribly late, oops. Aaaand I might have slipped in an unintended pun. Seriously.

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The sun shines softly through the curtains, highlighting the living room in alternating yellows and browns. Zoro shifts when bright light strikes his clenched eyelids, disrupting illusions of golden hair and lingering touches.

He cracks one eye open, only to fall back into the warmth of an ethereal, welcoming embrace and the lull of blissful sleep.

But the door slams open and a black dress shoe crashes into his face, shooting him back into the reality that yes, it was all a dream, and yes, his nose is in a lot of pain thank you very much.

"Fucking SHIT, curly brow!" He growls at the cook from where he had fallen on the ground. He rubs his throbbing forehead.

Sanji scoffs and uncrosses his arms to exhale smoke into the other's face. "Why, if it's not the green haired Grinch who slept through lunch." His clad toes taps the ground in time to emphasis his next words. "My HAND made, HOME prepared, excellent LUNCH."

Zoro pauses mid-rub and frowns at the kitchen table for a moment. The last thing he remembered before plopping on the couch was the image of Sanji walking into the kitchen, apron on and everything, ready to make lunch.

He spots the tops of two crisp, plastic-wrapped bowls, clearly untouched in any way, and after yawning at them, he glances back at Sanji's shoes and mutters, "I'll eat it later. You don't need to get your panties in a bunch, curly-cue."

Sanji huffs and kicks a fallen cushion at Zoro, which he catches with one hand. "Really, though. Franky doesn't even need to dress up as Santa anymore. You could be the green-haired Grinch who hands everyone their shit Christmas present."

"The Grinch turned out to be a pretty great guy at the end, though. Are you implying that I'm Grinch the great? Or that I'm a great guy?" Zoro winks up at Sanji.

Sanji grows red in the face and yells, "You're just a shit grinch!" He stomps back out the door to hide his smile, "Just make sure you put the food in the fridge to eat it later! And go and unpack the damn car. Hurry up, Marimo. You're slowing everyone down."

Zoro throws the cushion back onto the couch and grumbles as he follows the cook out into the cold. "Wait, unpack? What are you talking about? And you're the only person here so I can slow you down anytime I want, ero-cook!" He steps around the corner of the building.

And comes face to branch with the green pine needles of a magnificent evergreen tree. Its branches dip low past the windows of the silver Range Rover and the trunk lay flat and steady along the rooftop of the car. Already he can smell the pine's minty scent permeating the chilly air around him.

Smoke wraps around a branch to Zoro's left. "Impressive, isn't she? Your kin." Sanji opens a door to step onto the car. He begins to untangle the rope keeping the trunk of the evergreen tree tied to the steel bars of the Rover.

"Shitty cook, she's just a plant." Zoro shoots back, but nevertheless climbs onto the other side of the SUV to help speed up the process.

Sanji chuckles and tosses the rope into a pile at his side. "Well Marimo, I figured you wouldn't bother, so while you were napping I took it upon myself to buy us a nice, fine Christmas tree. I don't want to be seen without holiday spirit at our first party tonight, ya know?"

Zoro scoffs and tosses his rope into the pile over at Sanji's side of the car. He ducks his head into the back seat and spots a plethora of plastic grocery bags containing food and a mess of jangly shiny things in several separate cardboard boxes.

"What's this?" Zoro questions as he crawls into the car.

Sanji peeks under the roof and exclaims, "Right! We're decorating the house today!"

"Wait, what?!" Zoro yelps and tries to back out of the car. "We never agreed to this!" He bumps his head on the ceiling and drops down to the floor in pain. His hand also lets go of the bag of glass ornaments that he had been holding.

As the sound of breaking ornaments reaches Sanji's ears, he calmly closes his eyes, takes a deep, deep breath, and violently kicks the tree over the side of the car.

Later, when Zoro staggers into the house, fuming with the tree in tow in one hand and nursing several noticeable bumps on his forehead with the other hand, Sanji smirks quietly at his steaming mug of coffee and pretends he doesn't notice anything.

Later in the day

Once Sanji finishes hanging the ornaments on the tree, he determines that they should finish decorating the rest of the house as soon as possible. He wants to begin preparing for The Christmas Winter Celebration Party long before it actually starts.

"In other words," he clarifies, "you are going to decorate the living room, bathroom, halls, windows, and rooftop. I, on the other hand, will do the more important task of putting the light-up reindeer out front. And preparing the grand feast, of course."

Zoro groans into the backside of the sofa and chugs down another half of his daily beer.

It's only through several threats of hiding all the booze for the rest of the day, (and maybe no nighty-night cuddling), does Sanji finally coax Zoro into helping him embellish their house with holiday decor.

Zoro glares at his bossy dumbass prince for several moments, then proceeds to pick up some kind of red and purply garland-like stuff from the floor.

Sanji looks up and says, "Hold on. That's for the bathroom, to hang up next to the door and the cabinets. Make sure they don't fall in between the drawers and hinges or I will kick that shitty thing on your shoulders inside out, you understand? After that, take these fucking tiny ass lights and put them next to the…"

Zoro tunes out the lovely melodies coming from Sanji's mouth and nods and grunts at the natural breaks in the cook's speech. Although he appreciates that Sanji has planned out every little detail about where the fucking shiny piece of *-plastic goes, he honestly doesn't give a damn. He would much rather think about the way the cook licks his upper lip or how he should really be getting a haircut soon because that fringe that is brushing againt his jaw is also testing Zoro's patience just a bit too much.

As Zoro's gaze lowers with each passing second, Sanji loses his train of thought when he notices that Zoro is still staring at the general area around his silver belt buckle. Chuckling, he bends down and catches Zoro's eyes, stepping forward to press his chest against his boyfriend's torso. Zoro lightly places his hands on Sanji's hips as Sanji slides his arms around the other's neck.

Slowly he tilts his head to sensually whisper in a husky voice against the other man's lips, "If you can finish decorating the house before I finish cooking, I'll let you decorate… ," he hesitates here, "… me… any way you want tonight."

Zoro has never hung stockings or wreaths in his life as fast as he did on this holey day.

Jazzy Christmas music waltzes in through the open doorway, lifting Sanji's already high spirits. He hums along to "Joy to the World" as he dusts snow off of himself on the doorsteps. He has finished setting the reindeer out next to the steps that lead to their house, and he is just about ready to begin preparations for the feast.

He knows that this Christmas will be one of the best, and he can't wait to spend it together with Zoro for their first winter together. He steps through the doorway, and as he begins to remove his jacket, he hears a few thumps coming from where Zoro was decorating the living room.

But something heavy crashes down with a sickening thump.

And as Sanji's mind slowly processes the sound, the cacophonic tinkling of cracking glass gradually drops away into a breathless silence.

He blinks and dashes into the room in a crazed frenzy. Immediately he spots green hair lying in a halo of blood and sapphire glass crystals in one corner. As he makes his way over, with his heart dully throbbing behind his ears, he belatedly realizes that the sharp pricks he feels at the soles of his feet are actually broken glass and pine needles that originally belonged to a tree, now collapsed.

Sanji tears his mind from the minute pain and focuses on Zoro, who is already trying to sit up with clenched fists. Sanji turns so that he can help the other lean on Sanji's shoulder and avoid slipping on the blood that drips slowly from multiple wounds on his arm.

"Shit, what _happened_, Zoro?!" Sanji demands loudly.

"Nothing, I just slipped and fell." Zoro replies a bit too quickly.

Sanji realizes that half the garland Zoro had tried to drape on the windows had fallen down halfway. The blue curtains that Zoro bought many days ago were torn from the bar above the window and the sun highlighted the rough frayed edges. Metallic pieces of the broken garland still fall mockingly through the air, twirling down paths of leaves in beautiful reflected rainbow colors. The ladder leans precariously on one leg against the wall, denting the paint and creating jagged patterns. It almost looks as if a peaceful war had taken place in this corner of their living room.

He almost loses it when his eyes start to prickle with telltale signs of tears. He doesn't let them fall, though. Men like him don't cry, psh no.

Sanji growls and pounds Zoro on the chest instead.

"What the _fuck_ were you thinking?! You are such a _green! Stupid!_ _Idiot!_ Hanging them _behind_ the fucking tree! Look, now all the ornaments are broken, the wall has a hole in it, the…" For the second time today, he loses the ability to speak, "…tree…," and his voice fades into a whisper when he senses how silent Zoro had been.

Zoro, frustrated, turns to face him. Sanji only notices how Zoro keeps his eyes on the empty floor where the tree had been standing so proud and beautiful a few moments ago. Zoro shoves the ornament he had been holding onto as if it was his lifeline into Sanji's now limp hand.

He stands up, but Sanji stretches out his arm and softly speaks "Wait, that's - "

Zoro just stares down at Sanji's hand and tries to get his voice to work. He even has to clear his throat.

"Guess I'm really the Grinch who ruined Christmas, aren't I?" He hollowly laughs. He isn't even smiling.

Without another sound, he turns around and if it hadn't been for the tense shoulders and furrowed brows, Sanji would have believed that Zoro was as calm as a butterfly. Stepping smoothly around broken shards, the green haired man slips out of the living room.

The bedroom door shuts loudly with a bang.

After several minutes, Sanji touches his cheek with his trembling left hand. So he wasn't just imagining them.

In his right hand Sanji holds the shining pieces of what used to be his first Christmas gift from his deceased father Zeff.

"Hey hey Sanji!" Luffy shakes the man who was giving Robin an in-depth overview of a new recipe he has created. The strawhat boy promptly earns himself a kick in the head for disturbing the adults' deep conversation. "Where is Zoro? Why aren't you guys together? I want to play the new video games Franky got for me with him and Chopper! I'm so excited to play it! And he really needs to try your hammm mHMMm diis ith good."

"He's probably outside getting drunk or something, that shitty idiot." Sanji grits his teeth and sucks his cigarette.

He hasn't bothered to move away from the food even though everyone has already started eating. He ignores the voice inside his head that's saying maybe, just maybe, it's because he doesn't want to smoke outside in the patio. Where he could see the Marimo leaning against the railing with another bottle of his cheaper wines. Sanji doesn't forgive him for being thoughtful enough to _not_ take the expensive ones.

Well, let him be bitter anyway…. Sanji sighs.

He doesn't even know which one of them he's referring to anymore.

"But Sanji!" Luffy whines. "Why doesn't Zoro get drunk with us? That makes it all the more fun!"

"I'm not sure Luffy. He's been like that all day, to be honest. It's his problem." Inhale, hold, exhale.

"Wow. He's being weird. Ya know," CHOMP, "you err acting kinda weird too. Are yoooo thad?" Luffy takes another bite of steak.

"Naw, I'm just really tired of him acting that way. It's pissing me off. But I got my beautiful ladies to have real, deep, conversations with~!" Sanji's eyes turn into hearts as he becomes a noodle and slides down his seat all the way to the ground, underneath the table.

"Well, just make him stop being sad! Jeez! You guys are soooooo stupid sometimes." Luffy becomes distracted when Usopp passes a plate of turkey over Sanji's food. Luffy takes Sanji's plate too.

Sanji sighs once again, albeit it be for a different reason. He pushes himself off the wooden floor with a pat on his pants and sits in his seat properly once again.

Usopp nudges Sanji with his elbow. "Why don't you tell us what's _really_ getting at both of you? It's Christmas! Zoro should be celebrating with us right now."

Sanji blows smoke into the air and decides why not. "Well, remember that ornament my old man got me for my first Christmas?"

Usopp nods.

"It turns out you aren't the only one who knows about it." At this point Usopp becomes extremely interested in his arm hair.

Sanji continues, "The idiot broke the shitty thing earlier today," Usopp gasps here, "and he's been moping by himself. I told him he could just replace it, but he ignored me and said memories are attached to objects and those can't be so easily replaced."

Usopp taps his chin. "Zoro _does_ treasure his possessions a bit more strongly than other people…"

Sanji takes another long drag. "Well, I admit I _am_ kind of bummed that the old man's present is gone, but that shithead hasn't eaten anything all-," Sanji violently stabs the cigarette into the overflowing ashtray "-day! He's too fucking stubborn to say sorry, so he hasn't come out until dinner. And even then he's been there the whole time." Sanji nods his head towards the window. _And you can't say sorry either_, he mentally adds.

Usopp frowns in thought and accidentally stammers out something about how he can help and fixing, except Sanji is too out of it to notice. Nami on the other hand, has been listening to the conversation from the side, so she smirks and encourages Usopp to do whatever he can. In her own way, of course.

Usopp squeaks and starts blowing his long nose into a tissue that appeared out of thin air. "B-b-but I think I just caught a cold! Ah, ahCHOO! I don't think I should go out there in the f-f-freezing – "

"I will reduce your debt by fifty percent."

And with a "Wow! I feel so healthy now! It must be a Christmas miracle!" Usopp excuses himself from the rowdy table, announcing that he can smack some sense back into Zoro. Sanji sees no harm done, except maybe to Usopp, so he shrugs his shoulders and continues chatting with the ladies.

After several boisterous hours of hard partying have passed and everyone except Robin, Nami, and Chopper has drunk themselves into a stupor, the group begins to disperse in pairs, and finally singles.

Usopp is the last one to leave after offering to help clean up the living room. He wishes Sanji a _good luck bro!_ and _make sure _he_ doesn't do it again!,_ with a bonus of a _suspicious wink!_ and an _is it FOUR already ohmygoodness toodly-doo!_ that leaves Sanji either slightly nervous or excited.

He isn't exactly sure which one he's feeling at the moment, but he knows for sure that the butterflies in his stomach are going bonkers and his hands can't really hold the garbage bag properly.

He reminds himself, it's because he drank too much, so _no wonder_ he can't stand up straight. He sits back down. He'll just wait it out. After all, there's only one other person in the house right now, and he knows that this is not a state he wants to be in when The Confrontation happens.

Eventually Sanji starts to doze off in front of the fire. It's too cozy here, and he just doesn't feel like getting up anymore, and he thinks it's most likely his imagination that Zoro really _is_ there, slowly tugging the trash bag from his hands, pulling a blanket over his tired body, brushing his bangs aside to slowly lay a chaste kiss on his left temple – making Sanji's lips quirk up at the very end of it all. He closes his eyes once more and the lull of sleep draws him closer into warm darkness.

The last thought he had before falling unconscious was that he only had half a cup of wine, and there was no way in _hell_ he could be such a lightweight.

A slight winter breeze flows through an ajar window and tinkles bells, tracing goosebumps on pale skin and ruffling sheets of soft cotton and wool. Christmas lights shine reds, greens, blues, and yellows on the floors and furniture in cascading dances, slowly fading away as the sun rises through the curtains.

When he wakes up, the first thing he notices is the warmth. He snuggles into the warmth a little more as he feels arms tighten around him. A light snoring reaches his ears and he shifts his body around so that he faces Zoro.

The movement wakes Zoro so that he opens his eyes to stare into Sanji's blue ones.

"Morning," Sanji smiles. Zoro grunts and rolls onto his other side.

Chuckling, Sanji folds his blankets over onto Zoro and heads to the kitchen to make some tea. The sun has already struck its first orange and purple rays throughout the dark sky. Sanji pauses next to the sink window to take in the beginnings of a new day.

As Sanji prepares the chamomile tea, Zoro watches from the floor. He lays, mesmerized by the black outline of Sanji moving in a backdrop of brilliant colors .

Eventually, Zoro calls out, "Oi, come over here. I have something to show you."

Curious, Sanji takes their tea and walks over to the fireplace. As Zoro silently watches, sitting cross legged on the rug, Sanji sets the other's mug on the table before taking a sip from his own.

Zoro sheepishly pulls out a poorly wrapped package from underneath the tea and hands it to Sanji. He looks away and mutters, "Merry Christmas, ero-cook."

"Hn? You already got me a present though," Sanji refers to the set of fin Wusthof knife set he unwrapped last night.

Extremely curious, Sanji quickly unwraps the crisscrossed tape and wrinkled paper. When he takes out a misshapen clump of crystals and dried superglue, the corners of his eyes crinkle and his smile widens into a delighted grin.

"Really, Zoro. Wow. How did you even do this? You can't possibly have repaired it _this_ well."

Zoro slightly pouts as he watches Sanji twirl the lopsided ornament on its new twine. "After I ate some food from the fridge, Usopp had me get it from the trash. And he gave me some glue. So maybe he helped. A little."

Zoro shrugs and tries to look nonchalant about it.

And really Sanji can't hold himself back anymore from lunging at the swordsman.

"Thank you so much, shit moss."

"I didn't do anything much, really."

Sanji knowingly smirks and pecks Zoro on the lips. "Merry Christmas to you too, idiot."

Sanji knows he had been asking a bit too much for the perfect Christmas, but as he sits in Zoro's lap laughing with a steaming mug of tea and the sun shining brightly behind them, he believes that all of this is pretty good, especially for their first Christmas.


End file.
